Monday, September 17, 2012

1929 in 2012- Just a different Era

You must be wondering what am talking about here. Try Googling '1929' followed by a space. Almost the first thing the World's best search engine would puke (we always say throw up, dun we?) is the Great Depression that shook America out of it's daylights. I'm not really a person into political history or particularly fond of Economics, so I'll just leave that part to the experts. So why the hell am i writing this blog, you can ask me, and i shall reply.

If that depression involved money, this depression involves humans. Money is generally green (at least in America it is), this involves people who are presumably flushed out and are like green with all the barfing and are pretty much rotten. 1929 is re-living itself in 2012. Homo Saps have considerably and enormously evolved, much to the wrath of God who is the Superseding force in any religion. Am not involving any religious riots here or anything that will make you get disgruntled with this blog. If there is God, he is somewhere out there watching humans battle out and fight like they own this planet. It's like that bemused look parents give when they see their kids fight over which G.I.Joe or Barbie (ugh!!) is theirs. God just does it on a larger scale.

Okay coming back to the topic. In a world where people are connected 24x7x366 (2012 is a leap year rt?), the world is still lonely. People still find themselves prioritising and feel that they are nobody's priority 'cuz there is always someone better than them. It is just plain weird. I feel that way, okay there is a problem with me. The whole world feels that way? Then "problem" should be re-defined. Millions of people google the key words "I am so lonely" or "I have no friends". Why do we even get depressed? Suicide on account of depression seems to be the most horrific stats these days. A ten-year old is suffering from depression! I cannot even fathom it. It is just something that everybody goes through and wonders what but never know how to name it. Some people are just upset about something or it so happens that their lives are totally miserable with fate donning every word and letter of their lives. Some seem to lead pretty decent normal lives but inside of them, they know they are pining for something and that is what they don't get and that leads to clinical depression.

In most cases, people don't even know how to explain what they are going through. Something and everything is stagnant in their lives. There is just no compulsion to talk to anyone anymore. First signs of depression. For instance, a Close friend leaves you hanging by the thread for no rhyme or reason and so you are upset. At this stage, you are just supremely upset but I can't classify it as a depression yet. That is until you start dwelling on it. You just start relating that one incident with everything around you. You and another friend go out for lunch together with others. You would automatically start feeling that people pay more attention to your friend more than you. You would start comparing the terms of relationship. Assuming you have a very close common friend, the feeling is even more pervasive. You keep looking at your phone and wait for it to buzz. It just doesn't. You accept that you are just too terribly lonely and none of your friends care. Then something surprises you. People remember your existence and do something special just for you. Just to see that smile on your face, and you also are really happy that you are remembered, acknowledged and loved. But that too, is short lived. Even during the surprise, you keep evaluating your relationship with the people, then start comparing the relationships other people have among themselves and come to assumptions and conclusions that you are the one who is the least loved, whereas the entire surprise revolved around you! We all keep evaluating our relationships. We also evaluate other's relationships. All of us are floating in a never ending bottomless pit of paranoia. "He likes her more than he likes me." "She is just prioritising him over me" These are everyday thoughts we come across.

We all go through this, just that the intensity varies. Some are in deep-shit depression where they lead lives in something like a Limbo. A state of nothingness. Sometimes people just want to be left by themselves and not plagued by "Why are you so silent? It just is not your thing". As I said, the intensity pretty much varies. Some people are too sensitive whereas the others feign indifference. Either way, we are all humans.

2012 has been predicted to be the end of the world. As we prepare for the Armegeddon and the Apocalypse (two brilliant Hollywood movies), we are trying to forget that we have actually forgotten to live. We simply whatsapp our friends first thing in the morning as soon as we wake up and indulge in some pointless conversations. These conversations settle into something like a monotone of sorts and ultimately, there is a point when people do not know what to say anymore. There is just something to be taken from this. I am not against technlogy because i just got myself an Android phone worth 29 Grand because i wanted to stay "connected". As much as i am, am mentally totally unplugged and going through a major power shut down. If this is the way the rest of the world also is, then The Great Depression of the "Evlolved" Clan is not far behind. Brace yourselves :D

Cheers,
The Phoenix





Saturday, September 15, 2012

What my job does to me. :D

There are just certain things you have to live with for a portion of your life. One that tops the list is your job. Like it or not, u just gotta stay. It's not just about the money and it's not about the loyalty or anything else. You just gotta stay cuz u have to. Like how a mole buries itself for reasons best known only to itself. I gotta stay in my job (it's more like an internship) and this does matter in my CV (Curriculum Vitae' man!!). But the entire problem is.. I don't even bother about my CV. So how does it matter what comes in it? :O

My passion : Photography : : Profession : Chartered Accountancy
My soul : Writing : : Job : Auditing
My job : Stipend : : Passion : Forget it. Nothing

Ina padichu ina prayojanam (translated as "What study what use?"). Oru mannum ille. People still spit pan on roads, say "can you be able to do this faar me?" and let out grizzly bear burps in public. Yeah. Gross. Anything can be poruthufied but THAT. So yeah. coming back to work. Am posting this blog after eons and as irrelevant as it sounds, the major contributing factor to not letting me write is my work. It's Saturday and am actually delighted that i get an "OFF" on a Saturday! Seriously? U think i must be kidding and a total gekas, but no. I am taking an "off" on Saturday and God Save, am THRILLED beyond words. These days i don't mind going to work on Saturdays cuz i at least get to work casuals. And no working on a Saturday means no need to call up Fastrack Call taxi in the middle of the night (cuz my friend and i keep forgetting that we gotta go back to the village a.k.a the client's place the next day and the next and the next) I celebrate it by playing 'Move like jagger' i dunno how many times. God bless Maroon 5 :D

I am all excited that am going to meet one of my closest friends after-i-dunno-how-long on a SATURDAY THAT I GOT AS A NON-WORKING DAY :D And I was supposed to submit a work paper today (Yeah. Did i tell you that am working from home? And hell yeah, am in casuals :D *Cheap thrills i say*). I beg and literally fold my palms and ask alms for two hours grace time because i gotta see my friend whom i haven't seen in ages (I already told you that). What perfect timing! So after some struggle, i do get permission from my senior with a rider which says "Your work paper has been due since yesterday and Boss is asking for it. Do send the work paper tonight without fail" I was thinking to myself (I generally don't think aloud, thankfully) "Duh! Like i gotta choice. Not like i am gonna get sleep today too." So i lock my system (I dun shut down my system these days, you see. Let the battery go to hell. I never know when I will be asked for work papers so it's always alive. I just wake it up :| ) and i get ready and land my butt at her place. She feeds me with her home-made cakes and ice-cream, her mom's amazing mix- veg parotta which beats the Saravana Bhavan one, btw and she pampers me like i was born just to eat and despite all the food in her place she is a scrawny stick figure (Yeah of course. I oly said she fed me. I dint say she ate right?) Anyway, i hog to my brain and heart's content and am like 'Uh oh. Should i go home and work?' The other part of my brain says "Gekas. Like you have a choice" and smirks at the useless despondent side (No. Teensy weensy portion ) of my brain. I just shrug it off and go home, change into home casuals and unlock my system and stare at the 800 line items of the Cost that am supposed to classify and perform an "Analytical" cum "Substantive" testing on. So I stare at it and start colouring the sub groups so that i can filter the groups so that i can pull out a pie diagram for my "Analytical" testing. And oh yeah, what will I write for my "work done". This shit i explained to you above? :O No way! Bad way to exemplify ignorance. I start doing the mundane task and am into the 347th line item when suddenly passion overrules and i decide to write this blog.! Hola! (Translated as Holy Christ!) This has taken  thirty minutes of my time and thirty minutes means another 100 line items. Dammit. And this is just my first file. I gotta give TWO files. Say hi to Ms. Owl. :|

Am into the 456th line item ( Did i already mention to you that i suck at multi-tasking? Am just at 456. Another 344 to go. Ha! I at least got the math right :D ). So i better get back to my pie (Food? I wish!! No u gekas. My pie diagram!!!) and vouching (Oh darn I didn't tell you about the substantive testing part, did I?)  . I also got to attach tick marks (a.k.a explanatory notes as to why I haven't done some important testing that I was supposed to do :P and no, going to my friend's place on a Saturday on which i took off, doesn't count). So, that's 42 minutes spent on this blog :D Thanks for all the patience and for reading my rambling. Just don't tell my manager okay? Now if you will excuse me, I got another 1144 line items to go (includes the 800 in the second file too. Elementary math. DUH!) :D :D

Cheers,
The Phoenix :D:D