So u think you are a big screw up? Join the club!

Did u just de-activate your facebook account because u are totally sick of seeing other people’s perfect faces who have their own friends and celebrate their perfect life when you feel yours is totally rotting?

Those are the times when you feel like a total screw up because 1. There is no one beside you  when you need them around, and number 2. Your own friends treat you like a child on whom it’s their moral responsibility to advice and kill you with it when all you wanna do is find a shoulder and cry. Just cry. What we need is to be told a lie that ‘Shush. Everything will be fine’. Sometimes all of us need that little lie when we are down but we just don’t get to hear it. Just listen and let them rant. All of us are different, no doubt and often we end up asking ourselves, "Why should I always be the weak meek one? Why can’t I hide stuff like you people do and pretend nothing affects you guys and everything is so perfect in your lives." The problem lies here- "Everybody else always has somebody else, whereas I got only you." That’s why you don’t know the pain of loneliness or the pang of emptiness. 

The brain is a wonderful creation. It knows when and for what to warn you. When somebody hurt you in the past and the incident shows signs of repetition with another person, it recoils and warns you. It’s the logical adult while your heart rushes forward like the immature teenager despite various attempts by the adult to warn and uproot memories from the hurt and the buried past. In those cases, listening to your wise brain (which most of us don't) will be the most sensible way out. Sometimes all you wanna do is cry and just cry and let the tears fall freely when I read beautiful quotes that mirror my feelings, emotions, turmoil and the fact that it so perfectly coincides with my life. I go through my phone to find some solace in the beautiful cherished moments we have all shared with everyone. After I do, I realise how things have changed and I wish I hadn’t spent the time re-reading the conversations, unable to cope with the change. Exactly! That’s the problem. Change! All of us need to get used to change. But the question is how? We never know that things are going to turn wary when they are actually going on perfectly. Things may not entirely always be your fault, but leaving you disraught and messed up.

So some pointers to take forward?

1)      Never get too attached to anyone. For eg. Your best friend. He/ She may be the sweetest thing ever. Taking you out when u have had a hard day. Talking to you for hours together over phone. Getting screwed for that from their parents. Giving you their all. Remember though, they have a life too and they can't fulfill what you need when you need them the most. So never expect too much. It probably only will lead to disappointment. Detachment is the key! Initially pathetic to even take a step forward, but if you have mastered it, then the world is yours.

    2)    Learn to love yourself. I know that in most cases, that is the hardest part. We have become people, so used to admiring and living the lives of others that we fail to accept and realise the beauty and the essence in our own. We have been lost and left amidst a void you don’t know where to begin. So, belief is of the essence. It is supremely important to believe, love, trust and care for yourself.

   3)     Let go. I had mentioned not to get attached to anyone, but letting go is a harder and a more pain-staking process which calls for enormous will power, a strong focussed and obedient mind. Most of us let the minds do the thinking for us, which lead to total disasters because we never think. We simply react! When we fall, it is us to get up. You could be supported, but it is YOU, your will, your body and your organs that will respond to the fall or the pull back up on to your legs. That indeed is the toughest part, but having succeeded in doing that, you are invincible.

   4)     Do some serious damage control. Never leave any relationship sour, it would just turn bitterer than you ever thought of. The pain and the cringe you experience when you think of something or someone is a strong indicator that you still haven’t done anything to treat the situation right. Either you are wallowing in self-pity or obsessed with your ego or you simply haven’t moved a rat’s ass bit of yourself to mend the broken bridge and the rift only widens with the force of the current. Shedding a bit of ego will never hurt you, you could in fact win an entire relationship back! Fought with your best friend and whether the fault was either on your side or not, go and get him/ her back. When you take up initiative and own up to your doings or simply being forgiving and burying the hatchet will take you miles in the relationship. It is always a mystery to me and I ponder over how people cannot even talk to each other after several decades, by which the entire point of the argument would have been lost. So, buck up your courage and patch up. Getting back is the mantra!!

These things may look so absurd and so taut. Nevertheless, give it a second thought and you will see the sense in it. Several things are so simple and it is we who complicate it. If you think you are a screw up, it is because you have set a benchmark for yourself and aren't reconciling to the fact that you are you and you cannot compare and contrast yourself to the rest of the world. The irony is, we all think we are screw ups when we compare ourselves with everybody else. Why? The reason being, nobody is perfect! Remember that you are awesome, choosing to ignore what people say. Accept criticism and act on healthy criticism, at the same time let inaction not bog you down. Everything seems strange at first, familiarity with something offers that security and comfort. Grab that familiar aura and grab yourself back. Love yourself, I know I do :) 

-The Phoenix