It’s 31st
December 2012. The supposed “end” of the little blue baby fondly called “Our
World”. The streets, petrol stations, houses, restaurants are all lit up in
glory to bid adieu to 2012 , laugh at it’s pathetic folly and welcome 2013 to
make fresh mistakes. There is celebration in the air. It’s one of my closest
friend’s birthday. Now this is the part where I come in.
I was at a
stock count at Chengalpet, at a distance of about 40 kilometers from Chennai. I
surprisingly, cannot even believe am gonna say this. I did a pretty decent job
at work today. I meant. Even I cant believe it. So yeah, I was pretty much
stuck with work today. And I leave work along with my friend who is with me in
the cab as we head home amidst the traffic at Perungalathur where an “inch”
seems to be begging for re-definition, for we are moving at a distance smaller
than that. Centimeter u may ask. Oh no. Lesser than that. Oh forget it. I suck
at all these conversion rates and measurements. It’s the 9th wonder
of the world as to how I even took up Accounting. Never mind, that topic
reserved for later.
So yeah. As
I said, I am coming back in the cab. The car, travelling at a hundred kmph
(before the traffic jam, dude), the windows rolled down, my hair loose, music
plugged into my ears and beating away to glory in my eardrum, I was as insanely
crazy as ever. Somehow, I felt a strange feeling. Something I have never felt
earlier. Oh no. Not orgasm. This seems stranger. Some kinda nauseating
emptiness. Generally, I behave like those lame heroines or my demi-God metal
Gurus when I listen to their songs, ruffling my hair or mouthing the lyrics to
Memory Remains like the world is gonna end tomorrow. Well yeah, good point.
Even the world aint gonna end tomorrow. What a paradox.
This empty feeling.
Hmmm. When I generally am all alone with my thoughts, music and the crazy
breeze, I run through a lotta masala from the past. I would suddenly find
myself smiling and suddenly crying. I would think of the guy who never
understood my love or my best friends to whom I don’t talk anymore. I would
think of my guy friends thanks to whom I am now a tom-boy. I would think of my
family. I would think if I would ever have a love-life, ever get married. I
would think of the Arrinera Hussarya or the Lamborghini Reventon with it’s
entire carbon fibre awesomess. Somehow today. Everything’s weird. I dint think
of any of this (until now) other than the thought that my mind is sorta empty.
Did old sages and Philosophical Gurus strive to achieve this? Well I don’t know
if I am there yet, but I guess I could be there with no special effort.
I don’t even
feel I have friends anymore. In all my friends’ whatsapp there is a group
called “Best Friends” and I somehow don’t fit in any of them. And worst part?
My “besties” aren’t on whatsapp. I mean, we don’t even talk. They seem to have
other priorities too. Priorities. What an excuse for the world! Am I even sane?
Or are the others not? I mean. When the entire world seems to be celebrating
and having fun partying, what the hell am I doing with my life? A few people
call and talk. Some complain, some gossip, some chatter meaninglessly. I listen
and ingest the information. When I wanna talk, there is no one. I suck it up to
myself and it goes up as my blog. I find no truth in people. No passion in work
and no interest in constructive happiness. There is just a void. It doesn’t
seem like a dental cavity I can fix. It seems like an unreal pothole of
never-ending bottomness. As surreal as it seems, the enigma is carried forward to
a labyrinth and it just never is solved. A lame emptiness of nothing. No
sadness, no regret, no joy, no anger. Well. Cheers to that!! Apocalype. Dude, What the hell are u waiting for?? Bring it on!!
- The
Phoenix
31st
December 2012
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