Dude! Watch your step!

I turn the ignition on after fumbling for the keys and check my watch. 9.11. Sigh! Five minutes late again (comparing it to the time I left home yesterday morning which was five minutes later compared to the day before). There are a thousand things that are currently running in my mind aside of turning on the Bluetooth in my phone to sync the songs through the BT Audio in my car. The most prominent thought being the chaotic traffic I have to wade through to reach my client’s place, which is a good 12 kilometers from my abode.

I get off the slope running down my house and onto the main road, honking all the way through the five centimeters where the garbage is getting cleaned with the garbage van parked right outside the gate, mindless cyclists and pedestrians crossing blissfully while chattering over their handheld devices, whatever they may be. Upon my successful haul onto the main road, I weave through and find a place to park my drive sandwiched between two autos parked angularly in a V-shape formation in front of me. I can’t really differentiate between Obtuse and Acute and it’s like telling me what’s the difference between a crow and a sparrow. I wouldn’t really bother. The signal turns green and there is absolute pandemonium. That sheer brilliance of steel packed in a Range Rover you admired, parked diagonally right across the puny little thing that you drive suddenly swerves to the left, leaving you right in the middle. Having followed all the rules namely, indicator blinking left, your parked car on the extreme left lane indicating that you are going to turn left and the very fact that you need to turn only either left or right because there is no straight permissible, you would expect to see some discipline from the others as well. Sorry to disappoint you. You are infallibly wrong. As I turn to my left (finally!!) with 5 seconds to spare in a 90 second signal where you are one of the first five vehicles parked (that is the extent of mayhem on the road), you enter the road to be encountered by a tourist taxi Indica charging at you at 60 kmph in that narrow stretch of pot-holed Government property. You somehow apply your brakes and pray that your ABS (Anti-lock braking system) for which you paid an extra 50 grand and settled for the top end model somehow serves the purpose.

 It saves you in the nick of time, after getting a disgusted look from him for no err of yours, and from the third gear you are back to the first and in this process, you break a sweat, release the clutch too fast and the ignition turns off. By the time you recover from all this tamasha and move a little more forward, an auto plunges into the main road from another narrow street from nowhere and lands right in front of you and moves at 20 kmph looking for ‘savaari’ translated as looking for people, for him to carry on his carrying business.

  

You successfully dodge him and land at another signal, thankfully ten minutes from all that fiasco. Ten minutes of a little more honking, braking, flooring, bull-dozing the two wheelers, getting bull-dozed by buses, participating in sans- trophy races before crashing on a speed-breaker and hurting the underbelly of your precious little drive.

Finally, ten minutes away from work you are held up at a signal that stretches to about 200 meters and encompasses vehicles of all shapes, sizes and designs possible. That is the stretch when you get to see a Bentley Mulsanne while an auto attempts to kiss it with its half broken headlight which is a 4x4 itself and where you see a Mini Cooper S standing behind a TVS 50 with its driver cum owner all padded up with headgear et all waiting for that change in the signal post to green from red to boom into his maximum speed of 40 kmph.

 As I turn right, with the indicator blinking right, a character of pure genius overtakes me on the right

and cuts me in the front and turns left and that is plausible only by a dude with two more loafers sitting behind him, giving me that condescending look because he is apparently cool for two reasons 1. He made me stop in my tracks, not because he is dashingly killingly handsome (Oh Please!) and 2. He has that ‘Cool dude’ factor for having flouted the rules and for some unfathomable reason that he must have known the driver of the MLA’s secretary’s aunt’s neighbor’s servant.

As you finally turn your car onto the driveway, one patti would spring up from nowhere inches before your car’s bonnet like a suicide bomber and make u brake just by a show of hand. You have to oblige to that frail woman and not honk or give her a dirty stare as you are suddenly reminded of your great grandmother and think what you would do if she were alive and in the same situation as this patti. Pah!

While at the signal, you would get a myriad of entertainment. From office-going aunties wearing socks on their hands to prevent from getting tanned, to bunches of college and school students, holding hands and chatting all the way, texting and crossing the road, oblivious to the attention they are drawing towards themselves. You can spot these guys who are probably stick figures wearing clothes to accentuate the gravitational effect, who ride massively huge beasts like the Kawasaki Ninja, Honda CBR and Yamahas (which are brilliantly fast vehicles). When they pass by you after the signal, they are inconspicuous by then and sometimes you wonder whether they are holding on to the handlebars just to hold themselves lest they should be gone with the wind. However the best of the lot are always the well-built Iyer mamas with a kudumi returning from a homam, wearing huge pattais with their madisaar maami sitting behind them, in a Yamaha Fazer. That is by far the best thing you would have ever noticed. A sheer contrast of cultures, though hilariously funny, is the truth and a trend that’s growing big.

This has been my experience on most of the days I drive (which is 7 out of 7). The disheartening sight of people mindlessly crossing the roads while engrossed in their own world over their phones, absolutely reckless driving and carelessly defying the rules as if to scoff at them for their existence. It is high time we, as souls who exist and survive to LIVE our lives in this amazing country, started aping the west in lane discipline and traffic sense as well and not just live-in relationships and Gucci bags. Cleanliness begins with oneself. So does discipline. With the significant rise in the traffic population, it is essential for every road user to be aware of his roles and responsibilities. It is urged that every organization educate its employees and come down heavily upon those who disregard the rules and the set-up in frame. It is absolutely necessary that the Government organizes camps especially for Auto-drivers (includes share autos who are a tad worse), for in my sight they seem to be the most careless and recklessly ruthless road users who still are the very few sects who imbibe the age old Caveat Emptor (Customer is King). If the rider wishes to stop in the middle of the road, so will he stop there, not attempting to be slightly bothered at the disturbance caused to at least a hundred vehicles behind his’.

There needs to be a tightening on the provision of licenses issued to such drivers and nobody has the right to put the life of another in peril. It is really disturbing to see accidents day in and day out due to the sheer spoof of the entire system of regulations meant to be followed. I re-take the pledge I have taken all these years. “I shall drive and use the road (even while not driving) sensibly and learn to keep my ear, brain and eyes open and shall strive constantly to ensure that I cause the least disturbance to fellow road –users”. I would urge every single one of you to take this pledge and adopt it as part of your routine for you, will see that the rate of accidents plummet and then co-existing in absolute harmony will turn out to be a reality.

I am now two minutes away from office. One cyclist vigorously cycling on the wrong side swerves and enacts to me a vintage Bombay Circus stunt. He scrambles across the median and lands one centimeter away from me, scratches my bonnet with his Lance Armstrong skills and says to a bewildered me, scrunching his face, “Yen maa. Vootla solltu vantiya??”

References:

Photos: Photos have been lifted from the internet, and one blog in particular - http://chennairoads.wordpress.com/category/chaos/ 

Why on earth should I wear a saree for my wedding?

I have somehow always posed this question to myself and the ROW (Rest of the world) and somehow I have always been reprimanded for the harmless little question threatening to rock the very fundamentals of the “tradition” and “value systems” of a cult. Again, let me ask you the same damn question. Why should I wear a saree for my wedding? Those six (or in some phenomenally varied cult cases, nine) yards of silk spewn around me like I were a spindle across which the thread bobs and chokes to make me suffocate on my own wedding? Well, I did hear a mouthful when I asked the same question back home. So I thought I could safely ask you.

Yeah yeah I know traditions are meant to be followed. “Tradition”, the very genesis symbolizes this which I picked up from Wiki “A tradition is a belief or behavior passed down within a group or society with symbolic meaning or special significance with origins in the past. Common examples include holidays or impractical but socially meaningful clothes (like lawyer wigs or military officer spurs), but the idea has also been applied to social norms such as greetings. Traditions can persist and evolve for thousands of years—the word "tradition" itself derives from the Latin tradere or traderer literally meaning to transmit, to hand over, to give for safekeeping.” Ah! Wiki is a savior. Just because something was a way of life doesn’t mean it has to be necessarily followed. That’s what it says right? Ask anybody (in fact ask yourselves). Would you still trot around in a bear flesh or raw tiger skin (unless you are vying at an exquisite piece of overpriced Gucci or a Prada) just because it was how the “tradition” was way back then? Definitely not. Anyway, coming back to the topic. Jeez this seems hard. You know this is the problem. I have heard so many pros about draping a saree and the very fact that am questioning this seems so quizzical, like am trying to be rebellious for the sake of it. And worst of all, I can’t really think much. When I was just attempting to write this piece of section, I happened to ask a few friends for a few pointers. All of them. Every single one of them said “Oh God Sarees are the in thing”, “Name one girl who isn’t hot when she is draped in a saree” “Sarees are so in vogue” and finally “Dude what is wrong with you?” The traitors! Anyway, the thing is Sarees are not my thing. I was born a girl but reared as a boy. Jumping walls, playing GI Joe, trading WWF Cards, being besties with guys has been the story of my life. So yeah. It is creepy to imagine myself in a long straight piece of cloth knotted and tied with the aid of more cloth in the most uncomfortable of places is something that is going to be a bit of a situation for me when my getting married seems to be a little bit of a bigger shock. Somehow, probably due to all the westernization I became this weird you may say but to quote myself in French, “C’est moi” (That’s me!)

I sure hope that there are a few of you who would rather get married happily in a pair of Levis’ Denim replacing Devagiri and embrace Reebok rather than Raw Silk. For all those who prefer a Khakhi over Kanjivaram and simple tees over Sabyasachi (Damn! I can’t even get to pronounce half the types), try crying out to your bosses (aka elders at home). It’s high time we learn to respect what we want and “Evolve” as a race which respects it’s space and learns to adopt certain new practices as we strive to achieve a balance. Unless we ask for it, unless we cry for our independence we wouldn’t get it.
Saree for my wedding? Well. Hope not :)

Break the barriers

“Arre!! Kya hua Bhaiyya!!” “Enna da aachu” “Emandhi babu” “Yaenri aayithu” “Endhaa aayinnu” and many many more…
We would have all heard this somewhere or the other. Research psychology says that people usually mix and move with people mostly with some commonality- be it language, religion, or whatever other commonalities that appeals to the eye and the brain. We always want to be seen, spoken to, given importance to and to be understood. However, not many realize that the art of being accepted lies in the mere social interaction. Be it a simple wave, a smile or a ‘Heyyyy Sup?’.

Workplace is no different. It is rather way too complicated to be explained, or for that matter, even to be understood. Anything you do or say is always under the radar. The people you talk to, how you talk, how you carry yourself. Well if you’re silent, that gives a completely different picture as well. However the picture, a portrait of your persona it will be.

That’s where workplace ethics comes in. it’s not merely confined to the ‘Ethics and Communication’ we have all read as part of the Curriculum for our various competitive examinations. Hold on. Don’t despise me right away. I see I have been pretty cryptic right from the start, so let me get straight to the point.

Ethics is an ocean. What is right to you, would in all probabilities be wrong or perceived differently by your friend or colleague. For example, You decide to escalate something that you haven’t felt good about which is quite a sensitive issue. However, your friend feels that escalating the issue might not be the right stand to take since it is by nature, sensitive. He suggests you give it time for things to settle. However you opine that if you are unable to take the issue higher, it would probably only get worse. This is a kind of ethical dilemma we are always faced with.

Escalation of issues is a very critical aspect in every employee’s career. Any issue where he/ she feels something isn’t right should be communicated to their superiors or higher authorities. You might have a problem with a co-worker or a peer and you may have differences in work. Why the escalation is important is 1. To give vent to any trouble you have been experiencing to an independent party who will definitely be able to help. 2. If there is a problem, it will be ensured that it is not repeated. That issue will come to light only when you express your problem.

What you talk, when and how is of utmost importance. On the professional front, if something is mis-communicated, it has a profound impact on the rest of your career. As I mentioned earlier, all of us are always under the radar. Every one of us is different from the other. I may enjoy Rock and Jazz more than Classical music or I may enjoy playing outdoor games rather than PC games. That’s just me. We can play ‘spot the differences’ between you and me and we can point out a minimum of 100!!

When you and your friend are in sync with each other, you may just share the same frequency and when you don’t with another colleague or friend, it simply means you are not interested. Of course we all know that! The question is what do we do about the people whom we don’t talk to? In a corporate setup, it is natural to find that sometimes you do feel all alone and left out when you find everyone else having an identity or a group where they belong.  That identity is what is not yours; rather it is what is thrust upon you. A healthy corporate work-balance is initiated and propelled when colleagues treat others with respect and the vicious cycle of condescending behavior and ego are shattered.

Ethics in this current day scenario may be a term highly abused. Though it is in the eyes of the beholder, it applies to individuals for the betterment of themselves. Ultimately, what are rules for? We have an Ethical Standards Board in almost every single professional field and institution. Despite that, why is there an increase in the number of such issues? When a person tries to be sagacious, he does tend to be effervescent and goes a little overboard with his knowledge. Ethical skills should not be confused with the skills a person possesses. They are two worlds entirely. However, ethics while expressing your knowledge falls into the domain where it means “What you say, Say it Ethically and say it Right”. If you are having problems at the work front when you think you have been an unanticipated victim of a lack of ethic sense towards you, then the best way out would be to deal with it. How you deal with it will be how you define ethics to yourself and the others around you. A sketchy outline may never get you things staring right at your face. Drilling down to the core of the issue will always fetch more viable solutions that may plausibly provide long term solutions. Ethical principles are forever dynamic and are always subject to change with the radical changes in human rationale, but the fundamentals always remain intact. There are various literatures across the globe trying to define this one concept. Paper presentations, councils and projects worldwide are continuously striving to derive additional meaning from this one term. I just commenced my search into the depths of this term. It’s a long way to go and hopefully some day we will reach a consensus. Cheers to that!!

Bibliography: www.google.co.in

She is a riddle.

She is a riddle

A labyrinth of briddles

A jumble of sorts with passion

A lost drop in the ocean

A drop of hue

In the canvas of life’s dew

Of darkness in daylight

And shadow at twilight

Quest for a lost soul, shun

Buried deep within

The blinding faithful emotions,

The irrevocable devotion

The enormity of respect

The understanding and gratitude intact

Only a woman sans lassitude and lethargy,

With tremendous energy

You struck us like a hard wall

Dazzling and electrifying all

An incinerated phoenix

She doesn’t need gimmicks

Only a woman,

She is elite, opulent and prosperous

Sparse and impoverished

She is a need and inevitable

Often used but inexorable

She loves and loathes

Fears and braves

She is indeed a puzzle

A multifarious riddle

Nevertheless, a far fetched treasure

And a paragon to admire and cherish

- The Phoenix

   March 8, 2013

An eve's account of new years' eve

It’s 31^st December 2012. The supposed “end” of the little blue baby fondly called “Our World”. The streets, petrol stations, houses, restaurants are all lit up in glory to bid adieu to 2012 , laugh at it’s pathetic folly and welcome 2013 to make fresh mistakes. There is celebration in the air. It’s one of my closest friend’s birthday. Now this is the part where I come in.

I was at a stock count at Chengalpet, at a distance of about 40 kilometers from Chennai. I surprisingly, cannot even believe am gonna say this. I did a pretty decent job at work today. I meant. Even I cant believe it. So yeah, I was pretty much stuck with work today. And I leave work along with my friend who is with me in the cab as we head home amidst the traffic at Perungalathur where an “inch” seems to be begging for re-definition, for we are moving at a distance smaller than that. Centimeter u may ask. Oh no. Lesser than that. Oh forget it. I suck at all these conversion rates and measurements. It’s the 9^th wonder of the world as to how I even took up Accounting. Never mind, that topic reserved for later.

So yeah. As I said, I am coming back in the cab. The car, travelling at a hundred kmph (before the traffic jam, dude), the windows rolled down, my hair loose, music plugged into my ears and beating away to glory in my eardrum, I was as insanely crazy as ever. Somehow, I felt a strange feeling. Something I have never felt earlier. Oh no. Not orgasm. This seems stranger. Some kinda nauseating emptiness. Generally, I behave like those lame heroines or my demi-God metal Gurus when I listen to their songs, ruffling my hair or mouthing the lyrics to Memory Remains like the world is gonna end tomorrow. Well yeah, good point. Even the world aint gonna end tomorrow. What a paradox.

This empty feeling. Hmmm. When I generally am all alone with my thoughts, music and the crazy breeze, I run through a lotta masala from the past. I would suddenly find myself smiling and suddenly crying. I would think of the guy who never understood my love or my best friends to whom I don’t talk anymore. I would think of my guy friends thanks to whom I am now a tom-boy. I would think of my family. I would think if I would ever have a love-life, ever get married. I would think of the Arrinera Hussarya or the Lamborghini Reventon with it’s entire carbon fibre awesomess. Somehow today. Everything’s weird. I dint think of any of this (until now) other than the thought that my mind is sorta empty. Did old sages and Philosophical Gurus strive to achieve this? Well I don’t know if I am there yet, but I guess I could be there with no special effort.

I don’t even feel I have friends anymore. In all my friends’ whatsapp there is a group called “Best Friends” and I somehow don’t fit in any of them. And worst part? My “besties” aren’t on whatsapp. I mean, we don’t even talk. They seem to have other priorities too. Priorities. What an excuse for the world! Am I even sane? Or are the others not? I mean. When the entire world seems to be celebrating and having fun partying, what the hell am I doing with my life? A few people call and talk. Some complain, some gossip, some chatter meaninglessly. I listen and ingest the information. When I wanna talk, there is no one. I suck it up to myself and it goes up as my blog. I find no truth in people. No passion in work and no interest in constructive happiness. There is just a void. It doesn’t seem like a dental cavity I can fix. It seems like an unreal pothole of never-ending bottomness. As surreal as it seems, the enigma is carried forward to a labyrinth and it just never is solved. A lame emptiness of nothing. No sadness, no regret, no joy, no anger. Well. Cheers to that!! Apocalype. Dude, What the hell are u waiting for?? Bring it on!!

- The Phoenix

31^st December 2012

I, gongoozler :D :D

How many of you have felt this? You are generally happy. Suddenly there is a lull and a period of inactivity where your heart takes over your brain, rakes the memories and causing a feeling of something indescribable like the sound of knife scraping the blackboard. That feeling that makes you cringe and feel repulsion for a second so much that it feels like you are gasping for air. That same nausea. Yeah it's okay. No problem. Am taking a few deep breaths myself after writing that.

Even in mathematics, 'Constant' is never constant. It is always something that depends on others. Just like all of us. We differentiate and we integrate and ultimately all we are left is with a huge set of practical problems and lots of probabilities. We see triangles of love and circles of friends but why don't we ever get to see treatment that is fair and 'square'? BTW, Maths was never my thing. 'No wonder' you may think. Ha!

Ultimately, what are we here for? 

I am best friends with you one day and the next, you show all your frustration on me (for reasons i cannot fathom) and the day after that, we don't even know each other anymore. Like a swarm of bees, we coop together. Share the same comb and continue doing our job until the rain starts to pour and it's high time we got outta the comb and move our ways till we find another swarm. Okay am getting all philosophical and sometimes i wonder if even i understand what I am writing. However these days I tell you, the more complex and labyrinthine people write, we think they are talking real Kafkaesque stuff, where it just means that they don't know how to put the thought across simply. Okay that was flambuginous (Ha! Google it) :D 

So why exactly am i writing this blog? I actually wanted to write something of meaning and value addition to all of you guys reading it. Wanted to tell you what exactly I am going through. Looks like you are only getting a piece of the outcome of my present state of Soliloquy. And that's me on a constant state of hyper-activity. As i was writing, I was reading it out out to one of my friends and she goes like 'Ummm. Are you really okay? Do you wanna take the rest of the day off?" And to think that I just got back from a short vacation. Sometimes, loneliness really gets to you. The beauty of the English language rests here. Lone-lines(s).The lines on which you are bereft and that gaping emptiness. There is no Hiccius Doccius (something like Avra-cadavra) to change yourself or the world. Wish things were as fun as Harry Potter with the muttering of a few charms to stupefy your own life at some points. However, even in Harry Potter, people serve detentions and abandonment into the “Forbidden Forest”. Or whatever.

This blog is absolutely pointless and shows what a gongoozler I am. Well, that’s what I do. Something to keep me from falling asleep most of the times. I suddenly realize am not making sense at all. An absolute ranting for I do not know why or what for. Actually I was thinking of something while watching Iron Man. Yeah the same Robert Downey Jr. movie. If Iron = Fe (as per our 6^th Grade Chemistry lessons) and Man = Male, then does Iron Man equal Fe Male? :P Coats and Suits and decked up armor of ties and wins and buckles and hats, where am I going forward and how does it make senseth? The answer is, frankly I do not know. I have just been crazy enough to write it and am just obsessed with Gadzookery. Looks like you might need Google more than anything else before you take a gasp of air, well, I felt the same thing too while writing it :D

Thanks a lot for the patience, the love and the support towards this Bablatrice :D :D

Love and Cheers,

The Phoenix

Bibliography: 
www.google.com
www.buzzle.com

1929 in 2012- Just a different Era

You must be wondering what am talking about here. Try Googling '1929' followed by a space. Almost the first thing the World's best search engine would puke (we always say throw up, dun we?) is the Great Depression that shook America out of it's daylights. I'm not really a person into political history or particularly fond of Economics, so I'll just leave that part to the experts. So why the hell am i writing this blog, you can ask me, and i shall reply.

If that depression involved money, this depression involves humans. Money is generally green (at least in America it is), this involves people who are presumably flushed out and are like green with all the barfing and are pretty much rotten. 1929 is re-living itself in 2012. Homo Saps have considerably and enormously evolved, much to the wrath of God who is the Superseding force in any religion. Am not involving any religious riots here or anything that will make you get disgruntled with this blog. If there is God, he is somewhere out there watching humans battle out and fight like they own this planet. It's like that bemused look parents give when they see their kids fight over which G.I.Joe or Barbie (ugh!!) is theirs. God just does it on a larger scale.

Okay coming back to the topic. In a world where people are connected 24x7x366 (2012 is a leap year rt?), the world is still lonely. People still find themselves prioritising and feel that they are nobody's priority 'cuz there is always someone better than them. It is just plain weird. I feel that way, okay there is a problem with me. The whole world feels that way? Then "problem" should be re-defined. Millions of people google the key words "I am so lonely" or "I have no friends". Why do we even get depressed? Suicide on account of depression seems to be the most horrific stats these days. A ten-year old is suffering from depression! I cannot even fathom it. It is just something that everybody goes through and wonders what but never know how to name it. Some people are just upset about something or it so happens that their lives are totally miserable with fate donning every word and letter of their lives. Some seem to lead pretty decent normal lives but inside of them, they know they are pining for something and that is what they don't get and that leads to clinical depression.

In most cases, people don't even know how to explain what they are going through. Something and everything is stagnant in their lives. There is just no compulsion to talk to anyone anymore. First signs of depression. For instance, a Close friend leaves you hanging by the thread for no rhyme or reason and so you are upset. At this stage, you are just supremely upset but I can't classify it as a depression yet. That is until you start dwelling on it. You just start relating that one incident with everything around you. You and another friend go out for lunch together with others. You would automatically start feeling that people pay more attention to your friend more than you. You would start comparing the terms of relationship. Assuming you have a very close common friend, the feeling is even more pervasive. You keep looking at your phone and wait for it to buzz. It just doesn't. You accept that you are just too terribly lonely and none of your friends care. Then something surprises you. People remember your existence and do something special just for you. Just to see that smile on your face, and you also are really happy that you are remembered, acknowledged and loved. But that too, is short lived. Even during the surprise, you keep evaluating your relationship with the people, then start comparing the relationships other people have among themselves and come to assumptions and conclusions that you are the one who is the least loved, whereas the entire surprise revolved around you! We all keep evaluating our relationships. We also evaluate other's relationships. All of us are floating in a never ending bottomless pit of paranoia. "He likes her more than he likes me." "She is just prioritising him over me" These are everyday thoughts we come across.

We all go through this, just that the intensity varies. Some are in deep-shit depression where they lead lives in something like a Limbo. A state of nothingness. Sometimes people just want to be left by themselves and not plagued by "Why are you so silent? It just is not your thing". As I said, the intensity pretty much varies. Some people are too sensitive whereas the others feign indifference. Either way, we are all humans.

2012 has been predicted to be the end of the world. As we prepare for the Armegeddon and the Apocalypse (two brilliant Hollywood movies), we are trying to forget that we have actually forgotten to live. We simply whatsapp our friends first thing in the morning as soon as we wake up and indulge in some pointless conversations. These conversations settle into something like a monotone of sorts and ultimately, there is a point when people do not know what to say anymore. There is just something to be taken from this. I am not against technlogy because i just got myself an Android phone worth 29 Grand because i wanted to stay "connected". As much as i am, am mentally totally unplugged and going through a major power shut down. If this is the way the rest of the world also is, then The Great Depression of the "Evlolved" Clan is not far behind. Brace yourselves :D

Cheers,
The Phoenix