Pain- The Comeback

When I see you, my heart explodes

I find beads of sweat rolling down

I feel like running to the washroom right away

My palpitations increase

For I feel fireworks inside me

Boom-Bang- OUCH!!

I tried forgetting you

Tried letting you go

Decided I wouldn’t have

Anything more to do with you

But there you go

Secretly and always finding a way

 Back into my stupid self

I hate you for making me a lovelorn loser

If only you could shut up

And get lost

To just get the point that I don’t

Wanna talk to you

For I cannot trust my stupid heart anymore

You are the iron heart and I am the useless magnet

You are happy with others

I’ve had enough and decide to leave

When you arrest me with that puppy face smile

I melt like a candle that has never been lit

My brain regains its senses after a momentary paralysis

No points for guessing who would be the reason for that

My brain regains its senses after a momentary paralysis

And urges me to go my way

When you time it to perfection

And come to say a hello just like yourself

I cannot look you in the eye

For the fear I would be lost

In those beautiful pupils that should have belonged to me

I look at you with shifty eyes and try to converse

Normally, just like old days

But it can never happen and we both know it

You sense that am uncomfortable

Another trait you picked up from those days

When life was simpler when we were just best friends

You sense that am uncomfortable

And that I don’t belong there

Amidst your gang of friends

You lead me to the door and see me off

I manage to mumble a bye when you look me straight in the eye and say, “Take care”

I simply nod and start walking towards my car

I don’t wish to see you again

For its like burning myself all over again

Things may be simpler to you

However it isn’t for me and even though you understand

That I have loved you far too much

You could tell me to “move on”?

The fireworks are fizzling out

The waterhole is loose

My eyelids are creaking under pressure

I pick up pace and literally run towards my car

For the drops tugging at my eyelids are threatening to break free

But they catch up and all hell breaks loose

I curse myself under my breath

For being such a sissy to let my brave face crumple in front of you

I look behind me to see if you are still near the door

When I am convinced that you are not, relieved,

I give myself all that I need

The sobs turn into full grown tears

And as I fumble for putting the keys correctly into the door hole

Squeezing myself shut in the comfort of my car

I swear to myself that this shall be

The last time I cry for you

A promise I have broken everyday

In all these years

“We cannot happen” was what you said

I never begged you to love me back

You got me all wrong

I would have been euphoric

If you did accept me

But I have never forced you to

That was what hurt me the most

The salty water was streaming down my cheeks, three rows together

I don’t even want to wipe my face and the tears continue

Tickling my cheek as they move towards my chin as if mocking at me

I hope to God that you are happy

When I hear that there’s another girl in your life

I’m happy for you and that only increases my love for you

In boundless heaps and emotions

The tears are in a rage and fury

And I close my eyes

In an attempt to stop them

I start the ignition and adjusted my rear-view mirror

Only to find your image in my mirror

Standing at the window watching me all this while

A pained expression full of pity

That fleeting glance I saw of you

Was enough to burn my insides

I decided that at least for your sake that I should be happy

And wait for my guy to come and sweep me off my feet

I know its near impossible now

Only time will tell

Guilt-ridden, I force myself to look away from the rear view mirror

And mutter a final goodbye to the only guy I have loved…